Dirty Talking
by McGonagallFan
Summary: Severus and Rolanda are dating. Severus needs help and Flitwick is willing to help him but then Minerva comes into the picture and suddenly Severus has to choose between Rolanda and Minerva. Who will he choose? Summary changed.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hey guys, I'm back. So this story was inspired by an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, my favorite show. I'm really sorry if it has a lot of mistakes, it was just written really fast and it wasn't checked by my beta because I was too eager to post it so please don't kill me. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did while writing it. Okay, too much talking so I'm going to leave you guys to read it now. Bye!_

Dirty Talking

The staff room was empty except for Flitwick and Snape. Both were sitting at the two corners of the room; Flitwick was reading the Daily Prophet and Snape was reading the new edition of "Potions Today". Flitwick finished his newspaper and looked at Snape.

"So how are you and Rolanda doing?" asked Flitwick.

Snape looked up from his magazine, "Excuse me?"

"Didn't you two become a couple on Valentine's Day?"

"Ah, yes, yes, we did," answered Snape, clearing his throat uncomfortably, and looked back down at his magazine.

"You've been together for three weeks. So, how's it going?"

"Not very good," replied Snape.

"Really?" asked Flitwick. He wasn't surprised though. Hooch and Snape were just too different for each other. And besides he had always thought that something was going on between McGonagall and Snape. "Why?"

"I'm not really comfortable discussing this with you," Snape told him and continued reading.

"Why not? I might be able to help," said Flitwick eagerly.

Snape shook his head, "I really don't think so,"

Flitwick smiled, "Try me,"

Snape looked up again. Could Flitwick, of all people, really help him? He doubted it but decided to try. At least it wasn't McGonagall. If he told her about his problem she won't let him off so easily. He probably wouldn't hear the last of it for years. Though he really enjoyed the time they spent arguing or just teasing each other.

"Fine, but if you breathe a word to anyone about this…"

"Don't worry," Flitwick made a movement like he was locking his mouth.

Snape took a deep breath. No turning back. "Rolanda likes certain things…and I'm not good at them,"

Flitwick stared at him confused, "What kind of things?"

Snape took a deep breath again. It was obvious that he wasn't very comfortable talking with Flitwick. Hell he wasn't comfortable talking with anyone about this.

"She likes…dirty talking." Finally it was out of his mouth.

"Dirty talking? Rolanda? And?"

"I completely messed it up last night."

"What happened?"

"Well…"

*** 

_Last night_

Snape and Hooch were making out on the couch in her quarters. They've had their _fifth date tonight and when they got back from Hogsmeade, Rolanda invited him back to her quarters for a drink. Snape accepted the invitation though when they walked in they didn't even get close to the drinks. As soon as the door closed behind them Hooch threw herself at him and started kissing him. They made it to the couch and lied on it. Everything was going really well. Until…_

"Severus, talk to me," Hooch told him as she pulled away to look at his face. Snape looked at her confused.

"Um, okay." He paused to clear his throat and then continued, "Tonight, when we were at the restaurant did you happen to notice that guy that…"

"No, no," Hooch put a finger on his mouth silencing him, "Talk dirty." She whispered seductively.

Snape's eyes widened. "Talk dirty?" he stuttered.

"Yes, say something…hot," she replied as she tried to get rid of his shirt.

"Oh, um okay._"__ It was pretty hard to think of something dirty to say when you are not good at it and when the woman you are supposed to say it to has just opened your shirt and is kissing your chest. So he said the first thing that came into his mind which was, "Ass,"_

***

"Ass?" asked Flitwick amused. "Seriously, that was the only thing you could think of? That's not even dirty! Everybody has one of those,"

"I kind of panicked, alright? "Snape told him angrily, "You know it wasn't a total loss. The mood was broken but at least we ended up cuddling,"

"Wow, cuddling. That's really forward for a fifth date. Do you think you would end up doing it before you die?" joked Flitwick.

"Haha, very funny. I'm just not a dirty talking kind of guy," shrugged Snape.

"What's the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her and what you want her to do to you," explained Flitwick. "Come on, try something on me,"

Snape looked shocked, "Please be kidding,"

"Come on, there is no one here. No one's going to find out anyway. Just close your eyes and tell me what you want to be doing to her right now,"

"Okay, we're in my quarters," started Snape, closing his eyes.

"Okay, what else?" urged him Flitwick, watching him intently.

"That's it, we're in my quarters and I'm not going to discuss this with you anymore."

Snape got up from his seat and threw his magazine on one of the tables. Flitwick raised himself on his chair so he could at least be as tall as to get to Snape's shoulder.

"Come on, it not that hard. Here I'll start. Oh, Severus," Flitwick started whispering seductively, "you make me so hot, I want your lips on me now. See it's not hard. Now you try,"

Snape stood there watching him the whole time with his eyes widened and mouth opened. "I really don't think so,"

"Oh, come on. You like Hooch right? You want to see her naked, right? Well, if you can't talk dirty to me how are you going to talk dirty to her? Now tell me you want to caress my butt!" yelled Flitwick.

No matter ho much he was disgusted, Snape figured that that was his only chance of getting anywhere near sex.

"Fine, turn around,"

For the first time through their whole conversation it was Flitwick's turn to look shocked.

"I just don't want you staring at me when I do it," explained quickly Snape and Flitwick released a breath and turned around. Snape closed his eyes and pictured him and Hooch on the couch again.

"I…I want to feel your…hot…soft…skin with my lips," started Snape nervously.

"That's good, keep going, keep going," encouraged him Flitwick.

None of them noticed the door to the staff room opening and Minerva McGonagall walking in to collect the papers she had left behind earlier. She saw the two of them just standing there. They looked really weird standing like that in silence with their eyes closed and Flitwick standing on a chair so she decided to ask what they were doing. However, before she could do that Snape started talking again.

"I want to…to…take my tongue out…" he started again but paused thinking how to better say his thoughts out laud.

McGonagall on the other hand froze as soon as she heard the sentence coming out of Severus Snape's mouth. Her eyes widened and her mouth nearly dropped to the floor. What the hell were they doing? After overcoming her shock an evil smile lightened her face. She took a few steppes back as quietly as possible so she was standing near on the tables behind them.

"Say it," Flitwick encouraged him, "Say it,"

"…and run it all over your body until you are trembling with…with…" Snape suddenly stopped. McGonagall had leaned back on the table so hard that the table moved a little and made a creaking sound. The sound reached both Snape and Flitwick's ears and they stopped breathing. There was someone behind them. They slowly started to turn around until they saw McGonagall standing a few feet away with her eyebrows raised and her hand on her mouth trying to stop the laugh that was going to come out. They stood there for a few moments just staring at each other until McGonagall managed to calmed down and remove her hand from her mouth.

"With?" she asked with fake curiosity.

"It's a funny story, really just…" started Flitwick but McGonagall interrupted him, collecting the papers she had forgotten.

"It's alright, it's alright, I've always wanted you kids to get together," she laughed and walked out of the room leaving both man staring after her.

"Well, that went well," said Flitwick.

"Oh, my God," whined Snape sitting in the nearest chair and putting his face in his hands, "I'll never hear the end of it now,"

_A/N: I hope you guys like it and please tell me if I should continue it because I have some ideas about what happens next and if I do continue it it's going to be McGonagall/Snape and not Hooch/Snape. So, guys please tell if I should continue._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Guys, I'm so sorry it took me so long but now the second chapter is here so I hope you enjoy it. I'm sorry if there are many mistakes, I'm not native so there are meant to be mistakes._

Chapter 2

Snape walked out of the staff room and ran after Minerva. He just had to explain what she had just witnessed in that room. He just felt like he had to make it clear to her and make sure that she didn't think of him as some sort of pervert or gay though he didn't know why her opinion matter to him so much. He turned around the corner and finally saw her and ran faster.

"Minerva!" he yelled.

Minerva turned around and immediately grinned. She stopped walking and waited for him to catch up with her.

"What's wrong, Severus?" asked Minerva, trying not to laugh.

"I just wanted to explain myself. Look, Minerva, what you saw back in the staff room was nothing…"

Minerva moved closer to him and put her hand on his shoulder. "Severus, you don't have to explain yourself to me. I'm very happy for you and Filius, I just think that you should tell Rolanda, you know get out of the closet kind of thing, tell the world that you are…"

Severus rolled his eyes and raised his hand to stop her, "I'm not gay. Here's what happened. Filius asked me how it was going between Rolanda and me and I told him she like dirty talking and I wasn't good at it so he offered to help me,"

"But…"

"I'm NOT gay!" yelled Severus.

"Don't deny what you really are, boy," said one of the portraits behind Severus. Severus turned around and sent him of his glares then turned back to Minerva.

"What do you even care what I think?" asked Minerva.

"I just don't want people to think that I'm gay," he replied.

Another portrait behind Severus rolled his eyes, "Oh, dear boy, just tell her how you really feel. It's pretty obvious, you know,"

Both Minerva and Severus looked at him confused.

"It's not obvious to him, Bernard," said another portrait.

"Yes, well, it's pretty obvious to everyone else, Ares," replied Bernard before turning back to Severus, "Have you seen how you look at her?"

"That's ridiculous, he can't see himself staring at her…" said Ares.

"It was an expression…"

"It was the same with Jack and Alice Biderman in their seventh year and with Frank and Alice Longbottom…" said Ares, turning to Minerva and Severus.

"…and Alexander and Jane Rogers. Remember how he used to provoke her so he could get her angry because he found it very sexy when she got angry with him?"

"Oh, yeah…"

"Would you both just SHUT UP?" yelled Severus, "How do you even know stuff like that? You are portraits."

"Because we are portraits so we have nothing else to do but gossip about you people," smiled Bernard.

"Yeah, he's right so go kiss the girl and give us something to gossip about," encouraged him Ares.

Severus ignored them and turned back to Minerva. "Minerva, I…" he started but Minerva interrupted him.

"Do you really have feelings for me?"

Severus didn't know how to answer. He had never really thought about it. He had always thought that Minerva was beautiful and attractive woman and liked her company more than any other staff member's company, even Rolanda's. Could be possible that he felt something more for Minerva than friendship? There was only one way to find out.

"Minerva, I'm going to do something but please don't slap me," Severus told her and before she could reply he leaned forward, grabbed her face in his hands and pressed his lips to hers. The kiss was so perfect that neither of them wanted it to end but after what felt like hours and the need for oxygen became too great they broke apart starring at each other confused. They were still standing pretty close to each other with Severus' hands still having hold of Minerva's face.

"Okay, this was…" started Minerva but paused simply because she couldn't think of a word that best described the kiss. But luckily Severus finished the sentence for her.

"…perfect," he said, "Minerva, I…"

Minerva started shaking her head and pushed him away from her, "No, no, this can't…you are with Rolanda…and I…,"

"What, Minerva?"

Minerva didn't answer at first. She was just standing there, staring at him not knowing what to say. Severus was just about to use Legilimency when she spoke again.

"I've got to go, my class is waiting for me," she told him as she averted her eyes from him and started walking down the corridor, leaving Severus to stare at her retreating form, confused like he had never been in his entire life.

"You do know that the entire school is going to find out about this until lunch, right?" said Bernard, pulling Severus out of his thoughts. "You need to tell the other woman."

As much as Severus didn't want to listen to him, he was right. He needed to talk to Rolanda as soon as possible.

TBC…

_A/N: __So, what do you guys think? Please, I NEED to know so push the damn button! Next chapter is coming soon!_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

There was a light knock on Severus' office door. He took a deep breath and gave the person outside permission to enter. Rolanda Hooch came through the door with a smile on her face,

"I heard you have been searching for me," she said smiling.

"Look, Rolanda, there is no easy way to say this…" started Severus as he walked around his desk so he was standing directly in front of Rolanda.

"What is it?" asked Rolanda, moving even closer to him, putting her arms around his neck and pinning him against his desk. "You can tell me,"

Rolanda leaned and captured his lips in a kiss. Severus grabbed her arms and took them away from his neck. She looked at him confused.

"Severus,"

"I want to break up,"

Rolanda starred at him wide eyed and with open mouth, obviously trying to come to terms with what had just told her.

"You…want to…break up? But why? I thought it was going well…I thought we were having a good time,"

Severus walked away from her so he could stand in front of the window, starring at the sky outside which was at this moment mirroring his mood. It was cloudy and grey and it was just like it couldn't decide whether to rain or not. Just like he was torn between two women. Until this day he too thought that everything had been going well with Rolanda and him.

He liked her and was really attracted to her but she was too spontaneous for his liking, much too loud and more of a party person. He on the other hand preferred to be alone. He liked being in the company of others, especially his colleagues who he considered friends, but there were those times when he just felt the need to be by himself. Or with someone who understood him well enough though he still hadn't found this person, not in Rolanda anyway. He suspected that if she was locked in a room for a day with only herself and a book for a company she would go crazy before the end of the day.

Now, Minerva was another subject. She was more like him in most ways. She had many friends, that's for sure. They all adored and loved her. But like him she also loved just staying in her quarters, a roaming fire in the fireplace, a glass of nice red wine in her hand and some good book on her lap. She also loved Quidditch. Well, not in an obsessed like way like Rolanda but she was still a big fan.

Actually, he found himself a numerous times looking forward to his fights with Minerva over which house team would win or should have won. Their fights always brought a lovely color to her cheeks and started a fire in her eyes that nothing else, except maybe her students, ever could. And just now he realized how many times he had wanted to lean down and capture her mouth with his, to put his hands on both sides of her face and keep her there until…

"Severus,"

Rolanda's quiet voice brought him out of his thoughts. He turned back to her and was surprised to see her calm. She looked sad. Well of course, she has just been dumped. But other than that she looked fine with it and which was more surprising to Severus was that she looked like she kind of expected it. Severus wondered if she actually knew of his feeling for Minerva this whole time. He wouldn't be surprised this time. It seemed everyone else was aware of his feelings except himself and Minerva.

"There is somebody else, isn't there?" asked Rolanda quietly.

"I'm sorry, Rolanda. I hadn't planned it to happen this way. I hadn't planned to fall for somebody else,"

Severus deliberately left Minerva's name out. He knew they were good friends and in no way did he want to stand between them.

"Rolanda, you and I are not a good match. You are a party person and I'm a loner. It would have been over sooner or later and we both know that," he said, watching her closely. She didn't look like she was fighting tears.

"Who is it?"

Severus hesitated here. Should he tell before he had talked to Minerva? He decided she would learn sooner or later and it was only fair she heard it from him. So he went for it.

"Minerva," he told her.

Before he could say anything else Rolanda nodded and walked out of his office, closing the door behind her quietly. Severus didn't follow her. He knew she needed time and he wasn't going to take that away from her too. He just hoped she wouldn't do something rash or hurt herself or somebody else.

_'No,_ he thought, _Rolanda wouldn't do that,'_

Oh, how wrong he was.

TBC… 


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Hey, guys! I'm so sorry for the long wait but here is the next chapter!_

Chapter 4

Minerva had retired to her rooms after dinner, thanking God that both Severus and Rolanda had not been there and turning down offers from her colleagues to have a drink or two with them before they all went to bed. She really did need a drink but preferred to have it alone in her chambers. She did not feel like having a company tonight; she had too many things to think about. Her friends would certainly notice her absent mind and ask her if there was something wrong. Of course, there was something wrong! She had just realized she had feelings for a man that she worked with. Moreover, he seemed to be sharing those feelings as well.

However, he was involved with one of her friends and she was not about to hurt her friend. Minerva was not exactly sure if she wanted to have any kind of relationship with him beside work related. She had been hurt many times and didn't want to take chances again. As far as she knew, Severus hadn't made his choice yet. If he indeed chose her, which she doubted, she would first make sure that it was okay with Rolanda and then perhaps she and Severus could pursue a relationship with each other. But then again she highly doubted Rolanda would be okay with it.

She poured herself a glass of red wine, took a sip, and lied on the couch in her small living room, closing her eyes for a second. She would not think about it now. Whatever happened she would make sure she still had Rolanda's friendship.

***

Rolanda practically ran through the corridors towards of the castle. She had checked Minerva's office but hadn't found her friend there and went in direction of her chambers. She was furious. How dare Minerva do something like that? She was supposed to be her friend. She had to admit she was going to break up with Severus but now that he broke up with her for _another_ woman, she couldn't let it go. Nobody dumped her for _another_ woman. The fact that it was one of her friends angered her even more. She had always suspected that there was something between them but had chosen to ignore it because she found herself attracted to Severus and whatever Rolanda set her mind on she got. She wanted Severus and she got him.

However, it was well known that Rolanda didn't stay long with someone. She was adventurous. She didn't have plans to get married or being in a serious relationship. She hardly felt anything for her partners other than physical attraction. Severus wasn't an exception. Moreover, she doubter Severus felt something different for her, too. Still being dumped for _another_ woman? No, she couldn't swallow that, she wouldn't.

She got to Minerva's chambers and raised her hand to knock on the door.

***

Severus paced through his office not knowing what to do next. Rolanda had left his office just a few minutes ago and he couldn't get his thoughts of her doing something stupid out of his mind_. Do not flatter yourself, Severus, you are not that good in bed_, he thought to himself. Maybe but he knew Rolanda. Once she thought she was right about something there was no way convincing her otherwise. He was sure he had made it seem like Minerva was the one who had made him break up with her and he had a feeling Rolanda had understood it the same way. Sure, Minerva was the reason but she hadn't told him what to say. Besides he was sure Rolanda had no feelings for him. Maybe she felt attracted to him because she wouldn't have started something in the first place but other than that, he was sure there was nothing else.

Why did he have to mention Minerva's name? Maybe he could go and check on her just to be sure. Maybe they could talk about where they would go from here. Yes, that is what he should do.

Severus walked out of his office and headed towards Minerva's chambers, not knowing what awaited him there.

TBC… 


End file.
